“Oooooh. On the last day of Lost Again my true love gave to me…”

Sixteen guards impalin’
Fifteen pokers a scorchin’
Fourteen ladders a snappin’
Thirteen mirrors a smashin’
Twelve Others a crushin’
Eleven graves a diggin’
Ten Ajira Passengers a rottin’
Nine slaves a slashin’
Eight Losties a tazin’
Seven mothers a bludgeonin’
Six cars a crashin’
Fiiiiive hit and ruuuuuns!
Four Others blown up.
Three Candidates dead.
Two throats a slashed.

AND A FLOCKE WHO FELL INTO THE SEEEEEEA!

THANK YOU!

“Everybody dies, Kiddo.”

So I just realized that this finale is overall going to rank lower than the Nikki and Paulo episode. What? Oh, yeah, you can go. Ordinarily I can’t stand the “Bwah hah hah, your opinion is wrong!” type of poster, but I totally don’t blame you in this case. This is a tough one to get past. No hard feelings.

So now I’m pretty sure I’m writing in a vacuum, but on the off chance that you’re still reading, let’s do this thing!

Here we are at the very last episode! Wow, what a long string of Lost posts… not quite sure where Kasia is hiding herself these days, but I was never told to stop uploading these. So, before we begin, a very big thank you for reading!

“LOOOOOOOCKE!”

I haven’t rewatched the second half of this finale as of now. So keep that in mind as I open this by saying… I’m more ambivalent about The End than I thought I’d be.

When all was said and done, the sentiment among a lot of us fans after was something like “Overall Season 6 didn’t set the finale up as well as it could of, but the last episode itself was amazing.” That was pretty much my feeling too, but actually watching Season 6 again, I can’t 100% get on board with that anymore. This whole business with the Man in Black, the Rules, the Light, the Cork, it all got quite convoluted, and this time, that directly impacted how good the finale was for me. I still don’t know exactly what the cave is for. I still don’t know what happens when Desmond pulls the cork out, why it seems to impact the Man in Black’s mortality, why he’s no longer bound by the “Rules” that stop him killing candidates and leaving the island. It’s made clear that Jack and the remaining Losties have little idea what’s going on either, they simply let things play out, and it’s only luck or fate that causes events to conspire in their favor.

Most important, I’m still not sure of what the stakes are. The cork being pulled sets in motion the erosion of the island, that’s all we can be sure about. We still don’t know what impact this will have on the world at large, or just why it will be so devastating if the Man in Black makes it off the island. It’s a little bit like the end game of Season 2 or Season 5, in which events are bigger than the characters and a little beyond their grasp. The difference in those cases, the focus was kept on the people involved and how they reacted and how they tried to figure out what was going on. That human element is nowhere near as strong in “The End,” we’ve basically got all these character playing out one final conflict against a backdrop that often distracts and confuses. There’s as much spectacle and entertainment as the previous three finales, but it’s less satisfying.

On the island, anyway. The AU stuff plays fine. But even so, the worst moment of The End is found in the first half, as Sayid reunites with Shannon. Here’s what I think happened. It was up in the air all season long as to whether or not they could get Maggie Grace back. So Sayid’s arc was kept a little bit ambiguous, they had to continue to subtly set up Nadia as someone Sayid could potentially end up with, just in case they had to drop her into the end. But then they closed the deal with Maggie, gave her priority in the finale as an original Season 1 character, and wound up discarding the Sayid/Nadia thing that had been built up over all this time. I’ve never talked to anyone who thought it was a good idea.

So all that’s out of the way. Keep in mind that I do quite like the finale, but I’m going to be harsh on it in places because it’s the last episode, and if I don’t wind up calling it one of the best episodes of the series, I feel I should at least be clear why. Now, the stuff I liked:

“…Three Candidates dead…”

In a move so unexpected it was almost expected, Darlton took some big climactic events, and threw them into the fourth to last episode. So the escape attempt from the island, the culmination of MiB’s evil machinations, the deaths of some major characters… they’re all here! The result is the most intense and relentless single hour episode of the show since Season 4′s “The Shape of Things to Come.”

One thing I love about The Candidate is how insane the pacing is. It looks like we’re going to spend a good chunk of the episode in the cages before we- SMOKEY ATTACK, everyone out! Now it’s time for an escape attempt on the plane DONE BY END OF ACT 2, moving right along. I remember watching this episode with my brother and joking about how the assault on Widmore’s sub would be over by the next commerci YOU’D BETTER BELIEVE IT, BOMB IN A SUB TIME!

If the season was spending the first fourteen episodes trying to trick us into thinking that Flocke may actually be a good guy, it was doing a terrible job. But there was still some suspense associated with the character, because we were wondering when he would finally spring his trap. His moment is here at last, and it’s effective beyond anything I was expecting. Not that Jack and Sawyer don’t see it coming. That keeps the tension level high early on, as the two try to outgambit Flocke. Unfortunately, Flocke not only anticipated this, but his master plan actually depended on Sawyer not trusting Jack as a result of his Jughead plan last season. You really have to hand it to him.

The one thing in Season 5 that was spoiled for me was that The Incident would be Jacob-centric, and that he would show up in many characters flashbacks. I was mad as hell about that, thinking that we’d have two hours of our Losties coming across a figure who gave mysterious but benevolent advice, only to find out OMG IT WAS JACOB as the final plot twist. Instead, there he is in the first couple of minutes. And OMG there’s another guy who wants to kill him. And WHAOMG it’s the Black Rock. And O. M. G. It’s the four toed statue. I had no way of getting to a computer until later, but I would have loved to have seen the online explosion.

Anyway, Jacob and his mysterious rival have a conversation that’s just revealing enough to fuel eight months of speculation. They seem to be engaged in some kind of eternal debate about whether humanity is capable of good or inherently evil. That, along with the reveal that Jacob seems to have handpicked all the major characters, has some astounding implications for the series. And of course, they’re in the White/Black clothing, finally bringing back that bit of symbolism from the first few episodes. I like these guys as distant, symbolic characters that represent good and evil, hopefully the show doesn’t try to make us care about them as characters.

And with that, of course, we’re off into a series of flashbacks, the bulk of which are in the first half of the episode. With that possible series changing reveal out of the way in the opening, these go on to be less about Jacob and more about seeing crucial moments in the character’s lives that Jacob happens to show up in. It’s a very nice way of giving us scenes that deserved to be seen but didn’t really justify having a flashback built around them. There’s Sun and Jin’s wedding, Nadia’s death, Sawyer writing his letter, Kate getting her… lunchbox? Wow, she really is kind of a shallow character. Also, seeing that Jacob not only met John Locke, but actually revived him after his eight story fall gave us hope over the hiatus that he was more than just the Man in Black’s pawn. And of course there’s Jacob’s appearance in Ilana’s flashback, all but guaranteeing a pivotal role for her in the final HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, I couldn’t get through that.

The Incident reminds me of the Season 2 finale, partly because of a climax involving magnetic energy, but mostly because a long alluded to and little seen mythological figure finally appears and is thrown into the limelight. Mark Pellegrino doesn’t have to carry the two hours like Henry Ian Cusick did, since the writers don’t opt to humanize him the way they did with Desmond, and the flashbacks are more about our regulars anyway. But he still has to get us to actually like Jacob enough to care about what happens to him at the very end. I think the moment where he won me over was that little “Yikes” look he gives Young Kate after she’s chewed out in the store. He brings a lot of nice little human touches like that to this role.

ARGH, Lost just cheated me into feeling emotion! It will feel my wrath for this!

This is one of only a couple Season 4 episodes that are heavily character oriented. And a lot of it is very successful in that regard, and it’s all the more needed since Sun and Jin get very little focus outside of this episode in Season 4. The details of their affair are finally out in the open, and I hope that doesn’t color too much of their remaining five or so days together. The revelation leads to a nice (one sided) conversation between Jin and Bernard. We haven’t really heard from him since “S.O.S,” so I like hearing him express some worries about Rose’s cancer and her choice to remain with Jack’s camp.

On the freight, right in the first minute, Keamy gives us our first

“Don’t be late, Frank.” (1)

Sayid and Desmond are past their little episode in The Constant, and now set to work investigating the freight. They find that there’s some weird Dementor like presence on the ship that’s causing people to kill themselves. The two also come across Captain Gault, who despite numerous warnings, proves quite likeable. (“He was surprisingly forthcoming.”) Though he claims that Ben Linus is the one to put the Oceanic 6 wreckage on the Ocean floor. Which leads to a potentially interesting discussion topic, which of the crew members, outside of the mercenaries, are privy to Widmore’s real mission? Also, it’s possible I’m the only one who didn’t notice this, but you can see Kevin Johnson in the scene in which Regina throws herself overboard.

Ooh baby. The scope is so wide, the stakes are so immense, the acting so good and the production values so high, I’m feeling like I’m watching a feature film. A feature film that has twenty or so hours of rising action and character building leading into it. Why can’t everything be Lost Season 3?

Through the Looking Glass Part 1 has middle chapter syndrome, to a slight extent. It doesn’t have the exciting set-up of 3.21 or all the climactic events of 3.23, which winds up making it a hair inferior to the episodes on either side. But it’s still a glorious hour of television that, for starters, gives us the big shootout and a couple of neato explosions just after the opening credits have finished. The majority of the Others are dead and Charlie has been captured in the course of his suicide mission with 65 minutes still to go, leaving things less predictable than they seemed initially. Lots of stories here, let’s take a quick look at each of them.

I was lukewarm on the episode, first time I saw it. This time, I was set to like it more, knowing now that’s it’s the Calm Before the Stormy Final Four Episode Arc. I wasn’t prepared for it to be full to the brim with Crowning Moments of Heartwarming. “S.O.S.” could be the gosh darn Crowning Episode of Heartwarming, actually. I mean, what’s left after this? There are two more comedy oriented episodes (“Tricia Tanaka is Dead” and “Expose”), some isolated cheery moments here and there, a happy ending in the series finale, and then a whooole lot of overwhelming darkness. “S.O.S.” could be it, folks. The end of happiness on the island.

Maybe I should be reviewing Pushing Daisies or something, but the light and fluffy stuff is all over the episode, and I couldn’t be happier about it. There’s Rose reacting to Bernard’s marriage proposal by revealing she has cancer, followed by his reply “You didn’t answer my question.” That’s topped by their last scene in the episode. There’s another one of those increasingly rare montages in which we see all the happy couples on the island (Most of whom are doomed. SHHH! Not tonight! **** off!). There’s yet another instance of Vincent being awesome and keeping a lonely person company, in this case Sawyer. I even like the Eko/Charlie friendship. Well, friendship might be a strong word. Eko isn’t slamming Charlie into trees anymore despite some snarky remarks. Baby steps, I guess.

Bernard is out to make a big S.O.S. sign, something that’s actually a pretty good idea. Can’t hurt, and it’s not like the background characters have anything better to do. But it falls apart pretty quickly, thanks to Bernard’s lousy project management. He’s a character I found really annoying once upon a time, but Bernard grew on me by Season 4, so I like him here retroactively. And he and Rose share their big D-Aww worthy moment at the end when Rose reveals why she doesn’t want to leave the island.

So we’re officially into Quarter #2, as mentioned. Although Collision… gotta say, I can’t remember a thing about it. I just remember that Jin/Sun and Rose/Bernard do not reunite and Ana-Lucia doesn’t untie Sayid from a tree until the very end of the episode. What’s going to happen before all that? Might it be actually be unexpectedly dramatic? Might we get a story thread that justifies the length of time it takes to

*watches episode*

AH ****.

Ok, so we’re not quite out of the woods yet. Literally, as Ana Lucia forces everybody to stay in the jungle with her for most of the episode’s duration. Which leads to my (hopefully last) rant about Season 2. So far, they’ve been wanting to devote at a least a full episode to every permutation of every situation. Give everything more depth. I respect that. But turns out the line between “in depth” and “just plain drawing things out” is quite thin. Did I think there was enough character exploration to make up for the minimal plot progression? No. I thought there were enough variations of the scene where a character said “I’m going to the beach, Ana.” “NO. You’re staying here with me.” More than enough.

And J hates this episode. WOAH! It’s funny because it’s like the title.

Oh, ok. If I “hate” this episode, I only hate it relative to the better episodes of Lost. On a scale of Freddy Got Fingered to Schindler’s List (Worst Thing Ever to Best Thing Ever), “Everybody Hates Hugo” falls comfortably into mediocre territory. Not bad. But it has one of the silliest dilemmas a Lostie has ever faced, and there’s a distinct lack of outright worthwhile material to counter that. It’s definitely a shame because I’m generally a fan of Hurley episodes.

After a very strange dream in which Hurley has a vision of Jin and a man in a chicken suit, we find out that he’s been put in charge of rationing out the food in the pantry. The idea of having responsibility stresses Hurley out to no end, since he liked things the way they were and everybody is going to hate him for rationing out whatever to whomever. Charlie is already coming up to him and calling him “The Man,” and I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a humorous scene or wounding accusation or what. In any case, Hurley takes the situation to its logical conclusion; he has to use the dynamite to blow up the pantry.

……Do I even have to… Well, alright.